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                | 1603: London 
                  City Presbyterian, London, England |  
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                | Mystery Worshipper: 
                  Presbywildered. The church: 
                  London 
                  City Presbyterian, Aldersgate Street, London.
 Denomination: 
                  Free Church 
                  of Scotland.
 The building: 
                  From the outside, the church is a relatively uninspiring red 
                  brick 18th century building, almost something you would expect 
                  Calvinists to be meeting in. However, the inside is decidedly 
                  un-Presbyterian and very much reflects the building's more iconic 
                  Anglican past, with an array of very impressive stained glass 
                  windows ranging from St John to John Wesley, as well as dozens 
                  of ornate cornices and striking religious paintings.
 The church: 
                  The congregation is the Free Church of Scotland's outpost in 
                  central London, having met in this building since 2003. It had 
                  previously met at St Nicholas Cole Abbey and traces its roots 
                  as a congregation back to the 1940s. In addition to Sunday morning 
                  and evening worship, they offer Bible study in Portuguese as 
                  well as Afrikaans worship, the latter reflecting their special 
                  interest in reaching London's South African community.
 The neighbourhood: 
                  The church is in the City of London, which is very much the 
                  financial heartbeat of London during the week but pretty quiet 
                  on the weekend, with the exception of a few tourists. The church 
                  is opposite the Museum of London and a few hundred yards from 
                  St Paul's Cathedral. I had the pleasant experience of listening 
                  to the cathedral's bells ring out as I walked to my music-free 
                  Presbyterian worship. I spent a few minutes before the service 
                  in the adjacent Postman's Park, a small, peaceful garden square 
                  and home to numerous memorials recalling the heroic acts of 
                  various men, women and children who had lost their lives attempting 
                  to save the lives of others. It seemed like an appropriate, 
                  albeit sober, way to get into frame of mind for the service 
                  at hand.
 The cast: 
                  Matt Hornby, who is not the regular minister but helps with 
                  mid-week meetings, conducted the entire service. Mr Hornby confessed 
                  to being an accountant by training, as opposed to a fully-fledged, 
                  ordained minister. He was probably in his 30s, English (judging 
                  by accent) and looked somewhat like the actor Matthew Broderick 
                  (with a tidy beard). I learned later that the congregation had 
                  just started to search for a new full-time minister, as its 
                  most recent pastor (a Scotsman) had just left a few weeks earlier 
                  to minister at a church in Mississippi, USA.
 The date & time: 
                  10 August 2008, 11.00am.
 
 What was the name of the service?
 Morning Service.
 
 How full was the building?
 At the start of the service there were about 20 people scattered 
                  throughout the main floor, but within 10 minutes that number 
                  had roughly doubled to about 35-40 as some families with young 
                  children filled in the back rows. In the end, the main body 
                  of the building was probably about 30 percent full, but it didn't 
                  feel particularly empty. There was no one at all in the gallery, 
                  which seemed to be normal.
 
 Did anyone welcome you 
                  personally?
 A middle-aged lady shook my hand firmly and gave me a brief 
                  but friendly welcome, and her male colleague handed me a copy 
                  of the notice sheet and psalm book. There were about a dozen 
                  or so people sitting in the church when I entered. I took a 
                  seat in an empty pew – most people seemed to be working on 
                  the "personal pew" approach at that stage. No one joined me 
                  in the pew during the service.
 
 Was your pew comfortable?
 The pew was everything you might expect of a Presbyterian pew 
                  – it was narrow and hard with an upright back (although, in 
                  fairness, it was probably put in there originally by the Anglicans). 
                  There was a thin cushion in the requisite Presbyterian blue 
                  that helped take the edge off. To be honest, I found it perfectly 
                  acceptable, having been used to such church seats from childhood. 
                  As a concession to the modern fad for comfort, the Presbyterians 
                  had replaced the front half a dozen rows of pews with individual 
                  chairs, which looked more comfortable. The congregation seemed 
                  to split 50:50 on the benefits of such comfort, judging by where 
                  they sat.
 
 How would you describe the pre-service
atmosphere?
 Largely hushed and reverential. About half a dozen women sat 
                  together in the softer seats near the front and spoke to each 
                  other in pairs. They appeared to be very cheery. There were 
                  another half a dozen people, mainly youngish men, sitting individually 
                  in silence throughout the church. The speaker and a middle-aged 
                  lady, who would later lead the singing, chatted at the front 
                  about the choice of psalms to be sung in the service.
 
 What were the exact opening words of the
service?
 "Good morning and welcome to London City Presbyterian Church. 
                  My name is Matt Hornby." Mr Hornby then gave a brief description 
                  of his background and made some church announcements. They all 
                  related to BBQs, picnics and lunches – seems like Presbyterians 
                  appreciate their food.
 
 What books did the congregation 
                  use during the service?
 The only two books used were The Holy Bible, New International 
                  Version, for the reading; and Sing Psalms, the 
                  new metrical version of the Book of Psalms with the Scottish 
                  psalter. There was a notice sheet but it wasn't really referenced 
                  during the service.
 
 What musical instruments 
                  were played?
 None. The Free Church of Scotland does not use any musical instruments 
                  at all. We sang Psalm 100 and Psalm 118 (in two parts) with 
                  the help of a female cantor. I wasn't holding out much hope 
                  for an uplifting performance, given that there were fewer than 
                  40 people in a building that had a very high ceiling and poor 
                  acoustics, but it was very impressive. Several ladies seated 
                  opposite me really provided the backbone to the singing and 
                  everyone else chipped in to make it a truly joyful sound.
 
 Did anything distract you?
 Everything in the church appeared solid and well designed – 
                  except for the modern, glass/plastic lectern used by the preacher. 
                  Mr Hornby was relatively animated (by Presbyterian standards 
                  anyway), so it seemed like any time he moved his hands or a 
                  paper it would cause the lectern to move or make a noise. Otherwise, 
                  it was hard not to be distracted by the ornate beauty of the 
                  architecture. I found myself occasionally reading the narrative 
                  on some of the stained glass windows.
 
 Was the worship stiff-upper-lip, happy clappy, or
what?
 This was the antithesis of everything evangelical worship seems 
                  to be these days. No bass guitar, no overwhelming drums, no 
                  tattooed guy singing endless, banal contemporary lyrics. No 
                  hands in the air, no outward expression of emotion. It was all 
                  very Scottish, very Calvinist, very much what you would have 
                  expected from the Free Church of Scotland. While it certainly 
                  wouldn't be for everyone, I found the low-key, reverential but 
                  assured style very engaging. There was a sense of inward, reflective 
                  engagement with God, as opposed to a particularly interactive, 
                  external style.
 
 Exactly how long was the sermon?
 25 minutes.
 
 On a scale of 1-10, how good was the preacher?
 8  For someone who was an accountant by training, Mr Hornby 
                  was actually a pretty accomplished speaker. He had an understated 
                  speaking style and rarely raised his voice, but he did use his 
                  hands and arms frequently to express himself (and occasionally 
                  knock the lectern). He was self-deprecating and used occasional 
                  but appropriate humour.
 
 In a nutshell, what was the sermon
about?
 The sermon was on Matthew 21:28-46 (the parables of the disobedient 
                  son and the wicked tenant farmers). Mr Hornby made good use 
                  of modern analogies, especially Robin Hood (it seemed like he 
                  would rather have been an outlaw than an accountant) and Lord 
                  of the Rings. He highlighted how much of a shock the parables 
                  would have been to the original audience when the Pharisees, 
                  not the tax collectors and prostitutes, turned out to be the 
                  bad guys. He then provided some useful modern application to 
                  the congregation by substituting accountants who lead Bible 
                  studies (like himself) for the Pharisees.
 
 Which part of the service was like being in
heaven?
 The singing of metrical psalms.
 
 And which part was like being in... er... the other place?
 There really wasn't anything particularly like "the other place." 
                  If I had to choose one thing, it would be the perceived homogeneity 
                  of the congregation. I only spotted one non-white person (an 
                  Asian lady) in the entire church. I did see a "Juan" mentioned 
                  in the announcement sheet among more traditionally Scottish 
                  names like Iain and Angus. As you might expect with Presbyterianism, 
                  there also appeared to be some Afrikaners and Dutch in the ranks. 
                  But I thought there might be a little more racial diversity, 
                  given the church's location in central London.
 
 What happened when you hung around after the service looking lost?
 After the service ended, most people turned to someone sitting 
                  nearby and started a quiet conversation. As I was sitting on 
                  my own, I sat in silence for about 30 seconds and was just about 
                  to head over to the coffee table when I was approached by a 
                  middle-aged gentleman who introduced himself. He was very friendly 
                  in a low-key Scottish way. We talked for about five minutes 
                  about the church, living in London, and the general lack of 
                  Presbyterians in the city. It was all pleasant and I could have 
                  chatted longer, but made my excuses and left before anyone discovered 
                  my Ship of Fools calling card.
 
 How would you describe the after-service
coffee?
 There was a reasonable choice of water, coloured water masquerading 
                  as fruit drinks in plastic cups, and the obligatory free trade 
                  coffee/tea. More impressively, there were two large baskets 
                  of jaffa cakes and other chocolate biscuits – easily enough 
                  for three each. People were reasonably slow in heading toward 
                  the coffee table as they were engaged in conversations, so some 
                  of the toddlers took the opportunity to stuff their faces.
 
 How would you feel about making this church your regular (where 10 = ecstatic, 0 = terminal)?
 8  I found the sermon to be very engaging and the people 
                  appeared friendly. It seemed like it would be a reasonably easy 
                  place to find a good church community. I loved the metrical 
                  psalms, but I wonder if after a few months the novelty might 
                  wear off and I might start hankering after a grunge band banging 
                  out some Stuart Townend songs.
 
 Did the service make you feel glad to be a
Christian?
 Yes, definitely. It was refreshing, encouraging, and seemed 
                  like an entirely appropriate way to step out of the chaos of 
                  London life on a Sunday morning.
 
 What one thing will you remember about all this in seven days' time?
 Two worlds colliding – old school Presbyterians singing wonderful 
                  metrical psalms, surrounded by beautiful Anglican architecture.
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